Falchion's Edge

The clouds had just started to glow orange around the edges and as I stared up at them, it seemed like the shade of orange splashes deepened with each passing heartbeat.

I pushed off with my hands as I leaned forward, crossing my arms as I laid them over my knees, followed by my chin. Using it as a brace, I squinted at the sun hanging in the sky, as if it was about to take a dive into the ocean, trying to escape from my view. Seemingly as though it was no longer satisfied trying to drive me away with it’s hateful glare.
Just then, a breeze started up. It dashed over the sand, leaped in front of my face, up and over, catching my hair in its trail.

I closed my eyes.

“Figured I would find you here.”

I neither startled nor turned at her voice. I was not surprised. Indeed I knew she was going to speak, felt her even before her words came.

“Mind if I sit down?”

And she started to anyway, without waiting for my reply.

I remained facing the sea

I could see her take the place next to me, on my left. I could clearly see her now. The full lips that hinted at a smile, no doubt joy at finding me, but she kept them somberly pressed together so as to match the mood. Her nose was upturned at an angle that was cute and fetching, her glasses perched on it, its rim of indiscernible color due to the fast fading light. Her eyes sparkled behind them, as though trying to catch and return every point of the lessening light as they bounced off the waters. Her below-the-chin length hair got caught in the wind, were sent cascading around her, framing her face, highlighting her high and sharp cheekbones.

As she sat, I could see that while her curves would catch the attention of male eyes at a distance, it was the sheer presence of her, her aura, that was far more a distraction than any simple physical attribute.

“Lovely breeze”
Her voice like crystal tones reached out to me.
I shuddered.

I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. “One of the many reasons why I like sunsets.”
“Oh no. I don’t think you really like sunsets at all. I, on the other hand, much prefer sunrises, I think you should too.”

It looks like she playing hardball this time. Sigh. “So it’s going to be like this? I thought you where here to comfort me.”

“I am here to comfort you but that doesn’t mean that you can sit there and..” She paused suddenly. Heaving a sigh, her attention fully on me now, she changed track and continued.

“So how do you feel?”

Yes. That is one of the big questions isn’t it? How do I really feel? It was tough to figure out. I’m the kind of person who takes awhile to realize what I want, I’m not really indecisive or fickle but I like to think of it as seeing something from all angles before making a decision.
She was just watching me. Waiting for a response. She knows me too well.

“Uncertain.” I finally answered.

“Why is that? Don’t you know what you want?” she countered.

“I want to be happy. I’m tired of wondering about other people’s expectations and what they want from me. For once in my life, I want to do something that I truly want, and know full heartily that it is the right thing for myself.”
She nodded at that. “I want you to be happy too.”

“Then why can’t I seem to be? Why am I having so much trouble doing this? What’s stopping me?”

The only response to my silent scream was the echoing of the waves

“I am.”

My eyes snapped to her at that. Could it be as bad as that? But deep down I already knew it to be the truth. But I never thought I would hear her say it.
“No way. Not after all that we have been through together.” I sputtered.

“That’s my point. It’s because of all that we have been through.” She turned her head into the breeze, her hair trailing behind her, her eyes turning misty as they looked back into the past.

“I have listened when you thought you had no one else to talk to, I have kept you company when you felt alone, I have kept you grounded, made sure you weren’t blinded by what’s in front of you but focused on the big picture instead.” She turned back to gaze at me. “I may have even kept you sane.” She smiled. “And in return, you gave me life. A purpose.”

“Then why? I can’t do this without you.” I protested.

“That may be true. But is also false.” Her smile had faded a little by then. “All because of a dream you once had, the dream that brought us together, the dream that to this day, some part of you clings on to, that hopes and wonders. But now it also holds and blocks you.”

I opened my mouth to say something. Anything. But she continued.
“Look at all this sand…”
She ran her hand over the beach and brought it up to the light. Sand poured down from her fingers, in a seemingly endless cascade, some of them twinkling in the light reflected.

“The thoughts in our heads are similar, thousands upon thousands flow through our minds all the time, some we barely even know were there. But sometimes, they become more…”

She raised up her other hand to catch the flow from the first. Some continued to pour out, but those that reminded, glittered and sparkled in her hand, like stars in a clear sky.
“…They get focused on, they are risen up above the rest, they become more that what they are. And as they gather together and grow, they become hopes and dreams, fantasy and imagination, goals and objectives. And sometimes, just sometimes, one can become even greater still.”

Her hand was full of stars now, the pile growing. I could see in her eyes, the same sparkling stars, dancing around her pupils.

“But in the end, no matter how much they may look like diamonds, they are still just…” She clasped her hand around the stars, blocking them for sight, then slowly opened again.

“…sand. A few in a whole ocean of sand.”
I watched as the wind took the sand lying in her hand, their glow now gone, carrying them off into the air until I could see them no more.

I hung my head in resignation.

She moved to my side, wrapped her arms around me and placed her head on my shoulder.
I could feel nothing.

“I still wonder…maybe if I look a little harder, wait a little longer.”

She gently shook her head. “There are no promises, you may never find…”

“But here you are.” I interrupted her.

“I’m not real. And I can never be. Not the way we both want me to be.”
And there it was. The words that I had allready known.

She continued, “I’m just the grain of sand that had became more than a star, in your eyes and in your mind. The template that you would compare others to, which is ultimately unfair, for no two objects can have exactly the same attributes, even more so when I have the personality and character that you have imbued in me.”
She smiled up at me, despite herself “For which girl can compare with what is considered perfection in your eyes?”

She stood up and I didn’t stop her. She stood, looking over the waves and the setting sun. She laughed that laugh and whirled around with her arms outstretched.

“I have enjoyed our time watching sunsets…”
she fell to her knees next to me once again.
“…but I think it’s time you enjoyed the sunrise instead.”
And with that, she leaned over, placed a chaste kiss on my cheek.
“Goodbye”

*gasp!*

I became aware of my surroundings all of a sudden. As I looked around, the last rays from the sun dipped under the waves. My thoughts were in a buzz yet were quickly settling down. I felt strangely at peace. “Thank you God, indeed there are personal angels. Take care of her for me” It was the only thing I could think of to say.

I stood up and walked away from the sea, as I broke through the trees I saw headlights from a car illuminating the area. I could see the silhouette of someone in front of the light. Her posture spoke of irritation but her body language told me that she was more in a state of concern than anything else.

As she spotted me, she stomped over, furious. I could feel her.

“There you are! I was starting to worry! You told me to meet you here and when you didn’t show up”
I could see her now. She is different than the other, yet it doesn’t matter to me. We have been together for almost 2 years. She is the closest but not perfect. Then again, neither am I.

It was now or never. To take the choice that I had already made.
Breaking her hold, I got onto my knee, both of us bathed in the headlights. I reached into my pocket and took out the box that I had left there. I quickly snapped open the lid, presented it to her and said, in a tone as straight as I could manage, “Will you marry me?”
Her hand flew to her mouth as she stared at me. Her hand trembling, as my own was, she reached out for the box, perhaps wondering if it was an illusion. As she took the box in her hand and closed her eyes, I finally let go of all the burdens and confusion that an endless search had piled on.
As she opened her eyes in tears and smiled down at me, I suddenly saw stars sparkling and dancing in her eyes, like so many grains of sand.