The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
The silence isn't so bad
Till I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because when I think of you
I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone
I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear,
Oh darling I wish you were here
- Vanilla Twilight by Owl City

telling me to go
but hands beg me to stay
your lips say that you love
your eyes say that you hatethere’s truth in your lies
doubt in your faith
what you build you lay to waste
there’s truth in your lies
doubt in your faith
all i’ve got’s what you didn’t take

so i / i wont be the one
be the one to leave this
in pieces
and you / you will be alone
alone with all your secrets
and regrets
don’t lie

you promise me the sky
then toss me like a stone
you wrap me in your arms
and chill me to the bone

there’s truth in your lies
doubt in your faith
all i’ve got’s what you didn’t take

so i / i wont be the one
be the one to leave this
in pieces
and you / you will be alone
alone with all your secrets
and regrets
don’t lie

so i / i wont be the one
be the one to leave this
in pieces
and you / you will be alone
alone with all your secrets
and regrets
don’t lie
~Linkin Park – Minutes to Midnight – In Pieces

Even though it’s my second ICT so far, it was the first time that I actually had to dig a Foxhole aka Shellscrape since my basic training. The previous ICT was constantly flooded by rain so digging was optmitted. Luckily for me, I managed to find a spot where the ground looked like it was dug up before for the very same reason I was intending to do. Nevertheless I overestimated how easy it would be to get the job done. Starting off at a steady pace I soon encountered rocks, hard clay and big roots. Goes to show that digging up old stuff is not easy.
The same goes for trying to work through this backlog of posts I have cumulated over the last few months. The lack of posts is not so much that I have nothing to write, but that I don’t finish writing those that I do start. And that when I finally come back to finish them up, they are full of rocks and stuff that doesn’t make it any easier.

Well it has to be done in the end. Gotta keep track of all these random flying ideas. Heh after all these years and I still got to teach myself how to blog.

I’m feeling better about it now of course, but every once in awhile I still kick myself for what I see to be a really silly mistake. It’s just one of those things that will always be that “what if” kind of thought, that group of events that you will regret for a long time.

Maybe I should start at the begining.

The beginning of June marks the renewal of contract for the customer account team that I am attached to at work. So as it is usually the case, customer has decided to try to push for a more experienced level of support while still trying to cut down on cost. At the point in time, it was still not confirmed if this new contract would be implemented, but if it did it would most likely result in a decrease in manpower and thus an increase in workload while still keeping at the same or even less pay (which is what actually happened in hindsight) . So from that, disgruntled thoughts started to open up to other possibilities on the job market. Which is actually quite bullish at the moment in the IT field.

It was during an IM conversation with Vicki where she mentioned that she had attended the Google Singapore press conference as part of her work. It was announced during the conference that Google had indeed opened a local Singapore office and that they are hiring locally. Thinking nothing much of it other than curiosity as I’m a huge Google fan, I check out the job listings and lo! there is actually something that I am qualified for. Making mention of the fact to Vicki, she then encourages me to actually send in my resume; no harm done and you never know what could happen. Feeling elated that someone would actually believe that I can make it in such a big name company, I hasty updated my CV, cranked out a cover email and sent it off, knowing that Google gets 3000 resumes a day.

And of course promptly forgot about it over the weekend.

I get the reply that anyone who knows story cliches are sure to see coming, about a few days after that weekend. Of course I promptly go through roof. It is Google after all. Almost immediately, I reply back stating that I would be happy to do the phone interview with their recruiter located in New York, giving the days and timings that I would be most available, even thought they would require me to be up past midnight.

Eventually, after a slight delay, the night of the phone interview comes around. He gracefully explains that usually Google holds 4 to 5 rounds of interviews, mainly phone based ones till the final few walk-ins. And straight away the nerves start and even the opening causal conversation about my views on computing and about the job scope doesn’t help to ease it. It is Google after all. Then the technical questions start and I fumble and make several easy mistakes, thereby closing the deal against my favor.

I was depressed after the fact (as is usually how I react to stuff) and all those videos about all the free food in Google did nothing to help. Frankly I should have spent more time brushing up on my underused System Administration skills. The problem was not really knowing what to focus on. And even if I did pass that first round, I was bound to get pwned in the next few rounds. I’ve read around the net and there are high level people in their area of expertise who do not make it all the way either, although they do get much further. Sad as it may seem, I have to say being in such good company helps alot.

The best benefit is the wake up call that such a learning experience provides. Get humbled enough and hopefully you will pick yourself up and strive to improve in that areas that you are lacking.

And I intent to.

Which is really sad frankly. I mean Twitter limits me to 140 characters. That’s even less than a normal sms. By all means shouldn’t I still be left to expand and elaborate pass that 140 limit? Or is the fact that I’ve even said something about whatever the case may be is enough to exorcise what little need I had to speak of the matter?

Ultimately though, it is a little unfair to blame Twitter for the total lack of any meaningful posts here. I’m totally to blame for it too. Work and more work aside, sometimes I really feel that my brain is getting emptier by the days. I just do what I have to do to get by, haven’t really tried to stretch it to learn new stuff (besides reading up product specs and troubleshooting for work) and just otherwise turn it almost completely off.

It’s quite worrying frankly…