Love the weather that we have been getting over here of late. Cloudy, overcast, seemingly static filled skies, passing showers of mercury falling once in awhile, all rounded off by the cool embrace and light kisses of the breeze, as though the wind itself was a uncommitted lover, appearing but for a moment then vanishing again, only to return again in the future.
Always said that I wished the weather here would be more like the one in London, not that I actually know or have experienced London weather first hand, just that…you know, always imagined London weather to be this way. Yeah. London…whatever…
So the weather has been mirroring my mood as well (or is it the other way around?). What with being tied down by a really time-consuming and mind numbing assignment, and the recent release of my school results for last term. Basically it’s not good and graduation next year will have to be pushed back. Yay me! *scarcasm off* So I start my usual cycle of being depressed and down on myself which only serves to drive me to distraction that I can barely get any assignment work done, which only makes it more of a struggle and thus more depressed and the cycle starts again.
So anyway, the assignment is over now and I have a few moments to recover before I dive back in again to work on the new ones that are waiting in the wings. Time files really, in a blink of an eye and I’m back into assignment month at school. It’s seemingly never-ending. Hardly anything gets to change in my life and yet the little that I do get to make any changes just passes right by before I have to put my life on hold again to focus on school. All those plans to write those stories and learn that music, hanging in limbo, like dreams frozen and passed over.
It would be foolish to believe that things will get any better once I start working full time. I can still remember the days in the Army where I seemed to be having an identity crisis, feeling as though I’m losing myself in work and not being able to do and spend time on what I like, on what makes me..well..me.
Perhaps I should prepare to lose myself in my work in the future, if only to keep myself sane. Shouldn’t hold on too much on what I believe I should to be entitled to in my free time. I should make my work as much a part of me as anything else I hold dear. It would be ideal if I do work in a line that is totally in line with my interests, but such situations are rare indeed. Therefore, it comes down to adapting to whatever situation that I will be put into and learn to deal with it. I would like to believe that I’m fairly good at adapting to things..just takes me some time that’s all. Not all to surprising seeing as how I like to hold on to things. That being said, it’s really all in the mind. Just need a breakthrough to “get with the program”. Sorta like a bean of sunlight to drive away the static grey skies in my head.
